he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
