He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
