Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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