Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
