not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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