my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
