that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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