Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Shame - the story of my life.
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