Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
