he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
