im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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