girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
