My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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