she was so not down for the gang bang
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize