i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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