She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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