I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize