i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
