So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
