Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
