dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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