evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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