Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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