Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize