Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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