My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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