Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
