She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Watching her eat just hurts me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
