There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
