he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
