Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
