my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize