you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
