Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
