It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
