dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
