What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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