O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
