HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
