My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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