im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
