My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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