Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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