my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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