Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
