Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
third nipple confirmed
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
