Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
