Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
