I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
