did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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