its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
