is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
