He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
