Can i not drive my cunt home
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
