What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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