i barfeds in our rink
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize