Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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