I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
