What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
