The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
