So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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