hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
