Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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