ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
