Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
