I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
