I showed him my bush... on skype.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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